Well I'm back and will endeavour to constrain my blog to just things about me to avoid complaints from my ex-partner.

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster and the past week in particular has been very difficult as I chose to drink on a number of occasions culminating in Saturday when I found it almost impossible to stop. I tried to get librium from the emergency doctor and in the end had to drink a reduced amount of alcohol just to calm me down. The support offered by the emergency doctor service over the weekend was non-existent but my own GP on Monday was good.

I've been sober since Sunday morning. It's not been easy. My emotions are raw and I'm finding life tough - but then AA makes it clear that this would happen if I carried on drinking. There are a lot of yets that haven't happened to me - yet.

This disease tells me I can drink safely when I know full well I cannot. The only answer is to surrender - I am powerless over alcohol. The only choice is not to drink at all and attend AA meetings.

I went back to AA last night. It was an emotional experience and I'm glad I was able to share - albeit with tears in my eyes. Got a lot of support and I'll keep coming back, just like I've been told.

I'm feeling quite low today, quite depressed but I don't want a drink. I'm also back on acamprosate - the drug that is supposed to help cravings.

I'm desperately hoping that I will still be able to have my children this weekend, but accept that it might not happen - I feel an enourmous weight of guilt for nearly depriving them of a Dad they love and who loves them to bits. A once proud man is not feeling that proud at all. I'm not feeling self pity but hope this is surrender and humility.

Time Capsule Letter to Peabody #2
This is purported to have come from a speech that Bill Gates gave to Mt. Whitney High School in Visalia, CA.



Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I would speak here more male masturbation which I know better than the female masturbation.Ok but then how?Swelled, that depends on each one. The masturbation, that is learned. It makes it possible to discover its sex, to discover what we like, to discover how to excite it, how us to excite, what to touch while one masturbates (some nothing, others their belly, their nipples, their testicle, their anus...), with which accessories (creams, gode (if that connects you), sticking, breeches (for the fetishists) and well of others according to your desires and your tastes).

Still Kickin'Sorry I haven't been around much. The last few days have been hectic...Lots going on around here. We had a funeral to attend and that was accompanied by several unexpected house guests. It was great seeing and visiting with them, but I had absolutely no time to prepare, so we kinda had to wing it. Urrgh. Today, we have a different set of house guests! My dad and family, 2 cousins and 2 uncles are here to help The Hunk build a horse barn and stables. A couple of the hunks friends are helping as well. It's quite an undertaking, but it wouldn't even be possible without their free labor! We do that kind of thing around here and I think it's pretty cool to help out friends and family. If everything goes as planned, it should be finished by Sunday evening.I better run, I have lots of cooking to do! Anyone wanna come help? Got a couple of cute guys running around here if you're single...or just want to gawk! lolHappy Day folks!